By Stacey Ukaobasi <\/p>\n
Divorced women in Africa and even in western countries carry a weight heavier than the separation itself. Society often refuses to see them as individuals rebuilding their lives. Instead, people watch them with suspicion, pass negative judgments, or view them as persons with entitlement mentality, and this assessments are made especially by men who suddenly assume that divorce or separation from ones spouse makes her cheaply available as a plaything.<\/p>\n
A divorced woman recently shared a painful but common story. After her divorce, men she respected,married family friends, trusted acquaintances, even people she once saw as role models suddenly began hitting on her. Some asked to visit her house. Others tried to position themselves as “helpers” but with clear ulterior motives.<\/p>\n
This is a young, beautiful, God fearing,hardworking and well established woman who has her own values and knows exactly the kind of man she would ever consider. Yet these men assumed that because she is divorced, she must be desperate,lonely,available, or automatically attracted to them. And when she politely rejected them, they felt insulted.These men lacked the emotional intelligence to understand one simple truth.A woman being divorced does not automatically make you her type. People have a type or what modern people call my spec. Divorce does not reset that.<\/p>\n
Too many men lack the awareness to know that a woman\u2019s divorce does not suddenly make her open to anyone.They even feel insulted when she says, \u201cYou are not my type\u201dand while some divorced women can boldly reject such men, many others become extremely vulnerable not by choice but by circumstance.<\/p>\n
In Nigeria especially,many single mothers face lack of income and zero support from the child\u2019s father,job scarcity and zero social safety nets.<\/p>\n
Poverty forces some of them into silence, dependence, or unhealthy situations simply because they need help. Hardship pushes many single parents and widows into being exploited, because so many of them are struggling just to feed their children.This is exactly what we see back home in Nigeria. So many single parents who come to my NGO have been through hell in the hands of predatory men,not because they want to, but because they have no choice. These stark realities point to the need for women to gain some forms of skills and acquire the capacities to become self reliant and an income earner. <\/p>\n
That is why we see some mothers sending their little girls into marriages or into hands of older men.look at the public story of Regina.she insisted she wasn\u2019t poor and later admitted she was the breadwinner of the family that God used to settle her mother.<\/p>\n
When a child becomes the family survival plan,it is easy for society to push that child into adulthood before their time and this how childhood is stolen.<\/p>\n
We need to do better and let kids be kids. It is not a child\u2019s responsibility to provide for a family. It is a parent\u2019s responsibility until the child becomes an adult, and even when they turn to adults, it is still not their responsibility to provide for the whole family.<\/p>\n
Every woman should be proactive so she won\u2019t become vulnerable in the hands of anyone. Because the truth is this: There are genuine good people and organizations who help the less privileged, especially disadvantaged women and children without expecting anything in return. I\u2019m talking about people who give with pure intentions, who respect boundaries, and who offer support without turning a woman’s hardship into an opportunity for exploitation.<\/p>\n
But there are far too many others whose “kindness” is nothing but strategy,whose real handwork is chasing after vulnerable women. These men disguise their intentions as charity. They pretend to be helpers, yet they prey on women’s weakest moments. They study women’s pain the way hunters study their prey, waiting for a moment of desperation to strike and these type of men are everywhere.<\/p>\n
The difference is clear: Good men lift. Predatory men hunt.<\/p>\n
This is why I always say: Every woman should have something doing,even if you are married to an odogwu.<\/p>\n
Depending on someone 100% for survival is one of the most dangerous positions a woman can put herself in.Don\u2019t just sit and wait for someone to decide when you and your children eat.
\nI cannot shrink myself into silence because the person feeding me today can also starve me tomorrow.<\/p>\n
That kind of vulnerability is a cage,a beautiful cage sometimes,but a cage nonetheless.<\/p>\n
A woman who has no income is one crisis away from begging,one heartbreak away from disaster and one disappointment away from loosing everything <\/p>\n
Women need to hear this unapologetically.<\/p>\n
Just stand up and build something,just anything that Carrie\u2019s your name.
\neven if you are married the most generous man who gives you the world please still have something doing.
\nBecause your income isn\u2019t a threat to him but a safety net for you,a dignity for your children and a confidence for your voice.
\nIt is a protection from exploitation,manipulation and disrespect.<\/p>\n
Learn a handwork. Start a business, no matter how little. Be consistent. It must surely grow.<\/p>\n
Financial independence is not just about money,it is about dignity because when a woman has her own money<\/p>\n
1.Her voice becomes louder
\n2.Her confidence grows
\n3.Her choices expand
\n4.Her boundaries are respected
\n5.Her children are protected<\/p>\n
Money does not buy happiness, but it buys options and options are everything. With income comes dignity. With dignity comes choice. With choice comes boundaries. With boundaries come peace and with peace comes the ability to raise innocent children.Children who are not forced to become adults too early.<\/p>\n
Please mothers Protect your children from being sacrificed on the altar of poverty.By protecting your children you are restoring dignity where society has taken it. You break cycles many families never escape from.<\/p>\n
And the truth remains
\nA divorced woman is not desperate.
\nA single parent is not weak.
\nA financially independent woman is not rebellious.
\nA child is not responsible for feeding a home.
\nA woman with income has dignity.
\nA woman with dignity has boundaries.
\nA woman with boundaries has peace.
\nA woman with peace raises children who remain children innocent, protected, and safe.<\/p>\n
*MS. STACEY UKAOBASI is a Nigerian, USA based founder of the FORUM FOR CHILD RIGHTS PROMOTION, NIGERIA.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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