Politics
I Haven’t Been Well Since That South African Chap Came to the White House, Says Donald Trump
Washington, D.C. — U.S. President Donald Trump has finally opened up about his recent health scare, blaming none other than South African President Cyril Ramaphosa for his condition.
In a press briefing held at The White House on Thursday evening, Trump dramatically declared, “I haven’t been well since that South African chap came to the White House. I think he brought something. Maybe it was in his handshake. It was a very strong, suspiciously strong handshake. Almost like a trap.”
Legs Swollen with Democracy
This comes just days after Trump’s medical team announced he had been diagnosed with chronic venous insufficiency — a condition affecting blood flow in the legs, and apparently,
According to unnamed Secret Service sources, Ramaphosa allegedly gifted Trump a mysterious packet of biltong and a wooden giraffe with a strange hum. The giraffe now sits silently in a box marked “Classified (Maybe Voodoo?)” at the CIA headquarters.
“I don’t know what was in that dried meat, but ever since I took a bite, I’ve been walking like a guy who skipped leg day for 50 years,” Trump whispered to reporters, visibly annoyed at having to wear compression socks during interviews.
The Oval Office Curse
Trump’s inner circle is reportedly concerned that the White House visit in February may have left behind “residual Ubuntu,” which has been confusing Trump’s immune system and causing him to speak in brief, reflective proverbs like, “If you want to go far, go alone. Or with Melania. Or maybe Jared.”
Former advisor Steve Bannon has proposed burning sage and playing Kid Rock backwards to reverse the alleged Southern African diplomatic voodoo.
Ramaphosa Responds
When asked to comment on Trump’s claims, President Ramaphosa chuckled and said, “Tell him to elevate his legs and drink rooibos tea. That’s what we do here.” He then added cryptically, “The spirit of Madiba moves mysteriously.”
Back at Mar-a-Lago
Meanwhile, Trump has started wearing custom red compression socks branded “Make Legs Great Again.” A new line of them is expected to launch on Truth Social next week, along with a “Biltong Detector” app allegedly powered by AI and Elon Musk’s cousin.
“I’ll recover,” Trump assured supporters. “But next time, no more foreign presidents unless they bring cheeseburgers or at least declare Florida as their twin province.”
Disclaimer
This article is satire. Donald Trump’s legs remain classified, and Ramaphosa has no known history of weaponized diplomacy — unless you count awkward pauses and national power outages.
Politics
Osun Decides: Stakeholders Set for Citizens’ Town Hall to Promote Credible Poll*
By David Owei
As the August 15, 2026 Osun State Governorship Election enters its final 21 days, the Civil Society Network on Election Integrity will convene a Citizens’ Town Hall on the Osun Off-Cycle Governorship Election on Sunday, July 26, 2026.
The Network comprises the Nigerian Women Trust Fund (NWTF), ElectHER, TAF Africa, The Kukah Centre, International Press Centre (IPC), Centre for Media and Society (CEMESO), and YIAGA Africa.
The town hall is a non-partisan platform for dialogue between citizens and key electoral institutions towards strengthening public confidence and reinforcing electoral integrity.
Participants will include election management officials, security agencies, traditional and religious leaders, civil society organisations, youth and women groups, organisations of persons with disabilities, media practitioners and citizens from across Osun State.
Running from 4pm to 7pm at Adolak Event Hall, Osogbo, the Town Hall will feature physical participation by invited guests only and will be broadcast live on ARISE Television, NTA, AIT and the Osun State Broadcasting Service, with livestreaming on the official YouTube channels of participating broadcasters and additional coverage by radio stations, newspapers and digital media platforms.
The Resident Electoral Commissioner for Osun State, Mrs. Olutoyin Babalola, and the Commissioner of Police, CP Ibrahim Gotan will lead discussions on election preparedness and election security. They will be joined by representatives of women and persons with disabilities, while representatives of the Osun State Council of Traditional Rulers and faith-based organisations will deliver goodwill messages.
Citizens participating both physically and online will have the opportunity to engage directly with key electoral stakeholders, interrogate critical issues relating to preparations for the governorship election and advance recommendations to ensure the transparency and credibility of the process.
Chairman of the Planning Committee and Executive Director of the Centre for Media and Society, Dr. Akin Akingbulu, said the Town Hall reflects the Network’s commitment to strengthening electoral governance through inclusive citizen engagement.
“Electoral integrity depends on informed citizen participation, institutional transparency and sustained multi-stakeholder engagement. The Citizens’ Town Hall provides a structured platform for constructive dialogue that strengthens public trust and reinforces collective accountability in the conduct of the governorship election.”
The Co-Chair of the Planning Committee and Executive Director of the International Press Centre, Mr. Lanre Arogundade, said the Network views citizen engagement as critical to safeguarding electoral credibility.
“The quality of an election is determined not only by institutional preparedness but also by the extent to which citizens are able to engage the process in an informed and meaningful manner. This Town Hall provides an accountability interface between citizens and electoral stakeholders, helping to strengthen transparency, public confidence and the integrity of the electoral process.”
The Osun Citizens’ Town Hall builds on a series of citizen-focussed initiatives by the Network across Nigeria. The initiative commenced with a national dialogue on the Electoral Act 2026 in Abuja on March 1, 2026, before progressing to Ekiti State on May 24, 2026 ahead of the Governorship Election of June 20, 2026, the first conducted under the Electoral Act 2026. The Osun edition seeks to consolidate these gains through inclusive dialogue, institutional accountability and informed participation of citizens.
The Civil Society Network on Election Integrity is a coalition of leading Nigerian civil society organisations working to promote credible, peaceful, inclusive and transparent elections. Through citizen engagement, policy advocacy and multi-stakeholder collaboration, the Network advances electoral integrity, democratic accountability and public confidence in Nigeria’s electoral processes.
Politics
Stop “Ghosting”,Fix Pension Crisis, Build On Reforms We Started-Atiku tells Tinubu
By Our Correspondent
Presidential flag bearer of the African Democratic Congress,( ADC), and former Vice President, Atiku Abubakar, has faulted President Bola Ahmed Tinubu’s claims on the Federal Government pension backlog as “unnecessary ghosting and futile political shadow chasing.”
Atiku in a statement by his media office on Friday, described the President’s remarks to visiting Northeast stakeholders led by Governor Babagana Zulum as an attempt to blame the Obasanjo/Atiku administration for problems it solved almost two decades ago.Offi e
“Both President Tinubu and his inept APC administration should seek more knowledge about good governance and developmental communication,” the statement said, adding that “Government is a continuum. A successor must inherit assets and liabilities.”
Atiku’s office recalled that when the Obasanjo/Atiku government took over in 1999, it inherited a broken, unfunded and non-contributory Defined Benefits Scheme with an estimated liability of over ₦2 trillion, about 25% of GDP at the time.
According to the statement, instead of blaming predecessors, the administration enacted the Pension Reform Act of 2004 and established the National Pension Commission, PenCom, leaving behind a fully funded, privately managed Contributory Pension Scheme when it exited in 2007.
The old Pay-As-You-Go model, the statement noted, depended on annual budgetary allocations that were grossly underfunded. It noted that the system created massive arrears, ghost pensioners, data inaccuracies and bureaucratic delays, while most private sector workers had no coverage at all.
“Under the reforms, the Obasanjo/Atiku government introduced mandatory contributions by both employers and employees into individual Retirement Savings Accounts, RSAs. It also institutionalized Pension Fund Administrators, PFAs, to manage investments and Pension Fund Custodians, PFCs, to safeguard assets.”
The Atiku Media Office said the reforms stopped the accumulation of new un-backed pension debts and created the foundation for Nigeria’s pension assets, which have since grown into tens of trillions of naira. It accused Tinubu of failing to acknowledge that structure.
The statement further said the Obasanjo/Atiku administration laid the groundwork for the liberalization of the economy, including paying off foreign debt and creating enabling environments in banking, telecoms, hospitality and other sectors.
Atiku advised the President to focus on current challenges, adding, “Tinubu should focus on resetting the salient issues of hunger and anger in the land, caused by unabated insecurity, mass youth unemployment, a broken economy and the destruction of our political fabric,” the statement concluded.
Politics
Enugu Air: Gov. Mbah Reacts to Runway Incident, Says Safety Non-negotiable
By Our Correspondent
Following recent Enugu Air crash in Benin, Enugu State,governor, Dr. Peter Mbah, has reacted to Thursday’s runway incident involving the state-owned airline, Enugu Air, at Benin Airport, empathizing with the passengers and crew members over the traumatic experience.
Mbah, in a statement he personally signed, commended the aviation authorities for immediately initiating an investigation into the incident, saying that, for Enugu Air, safety remained non-negotiable.
In the statement made available to newsmen on Friday, the governor said, “The Enugu State Government is aware of the runway excursion incident affecting Enugu Air, Embraer E170, Flight 4264, operating until the Benin Airport from Lagos on Thursday, July 23, 2026.
“The government empathizes with the 63 passengers and five crew members on board the aircraft over the traumatic experience and is thankful to God that no life was lost and no injuries have so far been reported.
“The government commends the swiftness of the Nigerian Safety Investigation Bureau (NSIB) in embarking on the ongoing investigation to determine the circumstances and factors that may have led to the incident. The government will ensure the full cooperation of its going concern, Enugu Air, with the investigation and regulatory authorities.
“While the outcome of the investigation is awaited, the government assures the public that the operations of Enugu Air are guided by the highest safety standards. The airline is founded on a corporate culture that places safety above profit and schedule, and its quality assurance and quality control systems stipulate a safety threshold that is considerably higher than the industry benchmark.
“This accounts for the growing confidence and patronage the airline has continued to enjoy from both passengers and industry stakeholders. Enugu Air will therefore continue to serve its teeming customers and abide by its utmost commitment to safety, professionalism, and a sense of hospitality.”
He thanked Nigerians for their support following the incident, as many continued to relive their pleasurable experiences flying the airline.
“The Enugu State Government wishes to express its profound gratitude to Nigerians for the outpouring of solidarity since the unfortunate incident. Quite uncommonly, Nigerians have continued to share their positive experiences with Enugu Air since it was launched a year ago. This matters so much to us as a government at this time,” he concluded.
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